I reside in

The darkest

Place I've ever been

No light I can remember

On the path where I'd been

No lumination when I look ahead

It's in the dark that you lose your way

It's in the black that you don't

Know your left from right

I keep it for myself

This is a pit she'll never know

A night without an end

Moonless, and alone

She knows it's there

But it isn't hers to see

It's mine to dabble with

I'll be selfish and keep it

Locked inside a cell

Deep beneath the surface

It's a private hell

She wouldn't understand.

Knots are neat

Knots are complicated

Knots are messy

Knots are strong

Knots are simple

Knots are helpful

Knots are hindrances

Knots are tight

Knots are free

Knots are lovely

Knots are order

Knots are chaos

Knots are me  

I came to this city

To be found

But I've never been

More lost

Finding I'm not strong

She says I've been through worse

But I can't remember when

I don't know how to dig out again

Not a vine to hoist me up

Not a stick to make a ladder

Not a stone to set my foot

I wait everyday for an end

I look to start again

But my face is caked in mud

These tears won't float me up

They just sink into the earth

And each day that the sun

Rises and sets

I dig a little deeper

Getting closer to regret;

The only treasure I can find

Beneath an X marked sign 

Captured by every set of eyes

Especially the ones

Who aren't terrified

To look inside of mine.  

Like a phoenix

Always and again

Blazing through the sky

Diving from on high

To an ashy doom

I wallow in sackcloth

Losing premonition

Of a long distant rebirth

A new day that can't be seen

From my hollow room.  

My words are

Lost on you

You don't know

What I mean

So I save them here

They'll never set me free

I didn't stab him,

To see if it was just a lie

I spent the day catching

Other peoples eyes

Showing them darkness

They can't identify