Denial never takes it away

for others it always stays

wake up one day

on top of the world

never go back

Be blindly happy

If only I could stop thinking.

Standing in the rain

I felt so alone.

Now you’re gone

And so’s the pain,

I’m not crazy.

You say my mind is hazy.

I say your mind is lazy.

Picking flowers in Cambodia

Used to be so fun.

Now the sunshine’s gone

And I wait for you,

Alone in the rain.

They say it’s such a shame

To always stay the same

And to never change

But, have they ever had a chance

To stand alone in the rain?

I'm afraid

of so many things

of my own thoughts

of the voices in my head

constantly taunting me

afraid of being insane

afraid of someone finding out I’m insane

afraid of talking

afraid of being happy

afraid of the cheapness of happiness

afraid of the awkwardness

afraid of being taken away

afraid of losing it all

afraid of not knowing you

afraid of you taking over me

afraid of being sad

afraid of not knowing the future

afraid of not knowing myself

afraid of never getting away from myself

afraid of not being able to be truthful to myself

afraid of not living

afraid of being depressed

afraid of doctors

afraid of you

you scare me

you make me face all these things

afraid to lose myself and never come back

afraid that I will never make it

afraid of seeing the edge

afraid the edge will swallow me

what the hell is wrong with being sad?

why is happy so good?

Black is my favorite color

And I haven't wondered why

Like vanilla ice cream

Melting on an apple pie.

I often ask myself

How you could possibly love me

Dead silence so I can think

Why don't you go get me a drink?

I watch the bright stars

on the black canvas sky

I smile aloud

When I see I'm dead.

your touch

like ice

makes me warm

away from harm

Did you know you're my best friend?

Never changing with the trends

Always speaking

Never thinking

"helpful drinking"

sad like me

and no one knows

taking down our mental foes.

something so beautiful

it can't be seen

something so sharp

it can't be felt

something so cold

it can't be breathed

something so fresh

it can't be smelled

something so salty

it can't be tasted

something so loud

it can’t be heard

Friends for so long,

closer than anything

so far apart

never really trusted me

never believed in me

never loved me

let me leave my mind

left me behind

in a cold cloud of dust

left me to my coffee and cigarettes

alone and deprived

I sat and wrote a poem

expresses my stolid silence

pretending you cared

made me feel better

unwelcome reality knocked on my door,

threw me off my feet.

I sit here with the phone to my ear

expecting you to pick up

expecting the phone to ring

expecting the phone to dial itself

expecting the pain to disappear

expecting to hear your voice

expecting the tears not to fall ,

and the questions not to start

expecting everything to be all right

expecting it to be all over

expecting you to go away

expecting you to forget and to pretend

pick up the phone you mother fucker

pick it up and leave me alone

In all my life,

If I had one wish,

I would wish for happiness,

I despise sadness,

Ruining my relations,

Killing my inspirations.

Feeling isolated

And over demonstrated,

Kind of hated

So Unpretty

So comfortable I could vomit.

Forever lasts to long.

Longer than all the songs,

To long for me to sit and ponder.

Sadness stays, and never goes away,

Not even if I want to go and play.